“Day Five Today is feast day. You will eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz. portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole tomatoes. On day five you must increase your water intake by one quart. This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.”
By this day I found myself much more accustomed to bringing prepared food to work. I cooked up one of my 10 oz. portions of meat (separated into three portions) along with three tomatoes and set out to get the day started.
The meat tasted delightful. Plenty of salt, pepper and garlic can really do wonders. For the tomato I added a tinsy bit of olive oil along with plenty of balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. The hardest part of today was drinking even more water, because your stomach is so expanded by the tomatoes and you feel so full because of the beef. And once again, it must be noted that an 80s tomato in relation to today’s version is probably likely to resemble the size ratio of Dave Chappelle to Fat Albert.
I didn’t eat the second portion of beef and tomatoes until after I got home, somewhere around 10:30 pm. One of the tomatoes was bad, so I thought disposing of that half of it would be enough. Oh no, tasted like mold. Straight up. Those grocery stores – such scam artists, charging you per pound and then giving you meely filth.
I was about halfway into my second delicious beef loin when all the sudden, even after working out and showering and cooking, I felt intensely full. But at this point I just kept eating, disgusting myself. It reminded me of this special I saw one time, I think on Jerry Springer or some show resembling the same impressive demographic of America. The women was HUGE, and very sad that she was huge. You feel bad for here cause she’s crying, just wants to be skinny and have people talk to her. “Bad genetics!”
But THEN, she let cameras film her one night at home preparing dinner. This was one of the most enlightening things I have ever seen – a glimpse into how a morbidly obese person eats. So she pulls out two ginormous pork chops that she is going to cook up in the skille – insanely gigantic pork chops (obviously not from the 80s!), and she gets hungry. Well, instead of exercising an ounce of self control and realizing that you eat when you are hungry and AMAZINGLY you happen to already be cooking something, she decides to make herself two sandwiches while she waits for her DINNER. Yeah, I’m not talking one sandwich, or one slice of bread folded over with a slice of meat in it, I’m talking two meat-loaded, two-slices-of-bread-each monsters. I mean, really?
So then she sits down to eat her precious pieces of pig, and surprise surprise – she’s full halfway through the second one! And yet continues to finish it. My point is that even though I have managed to eliminate so many bad things from my diet, the sheer reminder of myself behaving in the same manner as this woman really made me ill and feel extra pathetic. You don’t have to ever finish your plate! Somehow, you will survive.
Oh and the story of the obese woman didn’t end there. She had to go lay down in bed for the rest of the night since she felt so full she was sick, then at like 11 pm got hungry again and proceeded to devour an ENTIRE gallon of ice cream. Not a pint, a gallon. We’ve all been there with the pint. But honestly, if you don’t want to be obese, just don’t do the above every night. Which I can’t imagine is what you do, but considering the latest obesity stats, somebody out there is…sorry obese readers.
I guess the moral of this day into the GM diet is enjoy scandalously fattening, flavorful food, but not by yourself in your pajamas in your dark bedroom watching Jay Leno every night. Food is social, food is for discussion, and everything in moderation. Including moderation.